How to...
Act like a FOB

As they say, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
So here's a little something to help you blend in when roaming in Chinatown. (Ahaha get the pun? Rome...roaming?... -_-'')

1) When talking as a FOB, do not worry about being grammatically correct. Actually, try and be as grammatically incorrect as possible. If you can fake an accent, that would be admirable. However, if you cannot, then it is not advised that you do, or they might think that you’re mocking them. Nevertheless, include as many –lah’s and –ah’s in your conversations as possible. They are the epitomes of FOB speak.

2) When talking on MSN, the conventions above should be used. In addition, symbols such as ~ and ` should be used copiously, as well as emoticons such as ^^, ^_^, -_-‘, >.< and T_T. Try and combine usage of capital letters with lower case letters. Furthermore, double letters when possible, even when not of correct spelling. E.g. ii lOoOoOovEeeEe yoOoOhH!!~~ <333

3) Pastimes of FOBs include: Karaoke, basketball (for guys), capitol sticker photos (for girls, and some [gayer] guys), bumming (especially in the city- CHINATOWN!) and internet cafes (DOTA!).

4) FOBs are not completed without their collection of music. Many of their favourite songs would be heard at Karaoke (“K” for the avid regular goers). The most popular singers would be Jay Chou and Lee Hom. Chinese songs are quite repetitive with “Wo ai ni” (I love you) practically in every verse. Basically, these are the only three words you’ll need to learn to sing a Chinese song.


5) FOBs can’t drive for shit. If you’re trying to blend in, bash your cars into a few trees and park in no parking areas. When pulled up by police officers, simply justify by explaining that you can’t read the road signs, nor do you understand the Latin alphabet labels in your car.

6) The rule of dressing like a FOB is to copy the look of whichever Asian celebrity who is in at the moment. However, the look of the typical FOB is described below:

For guys: The ‘Jay Chou’ look quite typical for the average FOB male. Long fringes are a must (ones that cover up the eyes), but long sideburns are optional. Wear pants that look like it’s been shitted in, and hanging halfway down your arse.

For girls: The trend is to be as artificial and “cute” as possible. Cake yourself with ten inches of make-up, and anything else that you can find around the house. (Note: the authors of this blog will not be responsible for anyone is brainless enough to put rat poison on their face)The hair of the FOB girl should be dyed, be it brown, gold, red or black. More extreme FOBs would go for the more extreme colours, such as blue, green, pink, purple, and my personal favourite, orange. The hair should be straightened, curled, waved or crimped, anything but natural. “Cute” accessories should be attached to the head as bountifully as possible. Wear fluffy jackets that look too big and really short shorts.

7) FOBs eat rice.

Posted by Ky...the fobby one ^^v

P.S. I like Inklish

P.P.S. Sincerest apologies to my closest friends, who are all FOBs. But you know I don't mean it =)