How To…
Save the World


1) Trees are an extremely valuable and rare resource.
At the moment, I would have to walk about five metres to be of oxygen receiving radius from a tree. This already far exceeds my recommended daily dosage of exercise. Imagine having to walk ten metres to be close to a tree…
Some tips on saving trees are:
i) Plant more trees.
An obvious step to take to prevent global warming, or even suffocation in the near future. More trees, less Bush!
ii) Use less paper. Or more importantly, toilet paper.
Toilet paper has to be the most common form of paper used in today’s society. Besides from its most obvious function, toilet paper can be used as tissue paper, makeup removing agent, scrap paper (for writing down phone numbers, and working out maths problems), outfit for a Halloween party, bikini, and the list goes on. Less usage of toilet paper would significantly reduce wastage of our precious green resource.
iii) Chain yourself to a tree in a tropical rainforest. In a remote area.
This will surely discourage deforestation. However, disadvantages include being eaten alive by cannibalistic natives and the possibility that no one will even realise that you have disappeared from your home for ten days. Needless to say, this is not recommended for nigels with no friends or family who care about them.
iv) Buy items made from recycled paper.
There are a variety of things that are made from recycled paper. Examples include toilet paper, writing paper, tissue paper, and bikinis. Albeit, I would think twice about writing a love letter on recycled paper, as you might not know whether you’ve been writing on the remains of someone else’s dinner.


2) Water is an extremely valuable and rare resource.
It’s true that I’m still up to my knees with rainwater from the June/July rain marathon. But I’m pretty sure it won’t last especially since old Johnnie Howard’s eyebrows are sponging us dry at this very moment.
Some tips on saving water are:
i)Limit drinking of water. From 6-8 glasses a day to 1-2 glasses.
Personally, I go one step further and limit myself to two popper boxes a day. It may be bad for our health in the short run but you would have to look at it logically….. I will get back to you on that when I think of something.
ii)Reduce flushing of toilet
Abide by this widely used aphorism:”If it’s yellow, let it mellow. When it’s brown, flush it down.”

iii) Limit shower time. To the recommended time of 4 minutes ± 1 second.
However, this may lead to embarrassing consequences. I have a cousin who came out of the shower while in the middle of shampooing his hair. While out and about with his friends, it started to rain, and his hair started emanating bubbles. As a result, he was greatly humiliated and never shampooed his hair ever again. The best solution to this dilemma is to not take any showers at all.


3) Humans are an extremely rare and valuable resource.
Especially me.
Some tips on saving me include:
i) Buying me food.
ii) Buying me more food.
iii) Uh, you get the picture. I’m a glutton.


Posted by Ky ... the Environmental Crusader