How to...
Enjoy CNY with Ky's family.



I guess you could say that my family is not very voracious in following chinese culture. However, Chinese New Year is the time when we let our inner China unleash itself from the chains of our conformist semi-whitewashed lifestyle. Basically, out of all my extended family in Australia ( a fair few people actually) my immediate family (a measly four people) are the only ones celebrating this festive and financially fundamental occasion.

So anyway, my parents decided that we would actually celebrate this year. Therefore yesterday we had a very chinese meal of steak, mash and oysters.

This morning, I woke up expecting to be showered with endless pockets of money. However the morning proceeded as normal, and I was disappointed yet again. Needless to say, I turned to my "fake family" i.e. my friends, for some financial consolation. My hopes were, once again, dashed, as my group of friends are appalingly parsimonious, or in other words, tight-asses.

Tonight, we actually had CHINESE FOOD. I was slightly elated at this accomplishment. But I was getting a bit scared. It was 7pm. And I had no red pockets.

However, dinner had its fair share of interesting conversations. I know I've already told Ron this. But here's a snippet of the conversation we had during dinner.
My dad was talking about mandarins and he refers to them as "gums" - canto word. He was speaking in chinglish and was commenting on how "You guys shouldn't be eating too much "gum" because the high sugar content will make you fat."
All of us had misheard him and cracked up laughing but it was my bro who eloquently stated:
"WTF did you just say that we shouldn't be eating too much CUM?"

I like conversations with parental guidance (PG).

By the time it was 9.30pm I was thoroughly depressed. Am I meant to go through this year without the blessing of my parents in the form of yellow coloured paper inside red pockets?!

However, while I was wallowing in my filth of self pity. I got summoned downstairs by my traditionalist, though try-hard teeny bopper mother. It turns out that she wanted to stick to the chinese culture, and my brother and I had to serve her tea before we can receive our cash rewards for being such good children.

As predicted, we soon faced another dillema. We didn't have any chinese teacups. Or chinese tea leaves for that matter. And my brother and I had no fucking idea of how to make chinese tea.
But we are ever so versitile, and came up with the idea of serving my mum chardonnay. In wine glasses.

We FINALLY received our red envelops. And my mum has become a happy tipsy woman. After two glasses of wine during dinner, and another two glasses from my brother and me.

So all in all, it was a very chinese CNY for Ky.

Shit I actually thought I would have to go without red pockets for the year. Cruel parents were playing with my fragile feelings.

Next year, I hope to receive red pockets from my "fake family" Don't make Ky's New Year as emotionally turbulent as this one was.

Posted by Ky, the chinese one .